Brigitte Nielsen is one of those minimal talented woman that just won't be put to rest. You know the type, their careers are fuelled by lust-filled peeping-tom smut-reading sweaty, overweight bald men. These men love these girls, and will pay to see more of them no matter how trashy they appear. This may sound harsh right? I mean we're not talking about a porn star or even a stripper, we are talking about an actress. But let's face it just because a woman isn't stripping doesn't mean she isn't selling that same promise of sexual excitement.
Now don't get me wrong I am not singling out one person, this happens all the time in the entertainment business. Actresses are the biggest culprits but even musicians use sexuality to sell themselves. Just look at Brittney Spears who has never taken off her clothes to sell a record, but that doesn't mean she hasn't been keenly aware of her sexuality as a means to sell records. In the beginning she used that naughty school girl image fused with the idea of her being a innocent virgin to appeal to not only perverse sexual fantasy's that often plague middle aged men but also young girls looking for a role model. Then over time as she grew older she separated herself from that image and took on a new sweatier, sexually explicit image that allowed her to make "I'm a Slave 4 You" and the much talked about Madonna kiss which has fuelled her to even greater sales.
It's not even that there is something inherently wrong with using sexuality to sell a product, it is something that is quite effective because there is obviously a market for it. Others might argue on moral grounds there is something wrong with this, but that is an argument for them to make, I am stating a different argument: Some artists (I mean this universally) have talent which is used in conjunction with their attractiveness to have a successful career, while others merely get by on their sexuality. In the first category I would put someone like Nicole Kidman. Her talent is unquestionable, but its also undeniable that her superior beauty has put her in a position to take leading roles that an otherwise equally talented but less attractive person could not get. This is not an indictment of the system or her, its a fact. It's something that she has capitalized on, making her one of the highest paid actresses of this generation. It has also made her appeal to us the viewers more enduring. She can stick around as long as she wants, even when her soft skin has wrinkled into a prune....actually wait! I mean even when she is depending on botox to fill out her face. (If her face is prune-ish, I am out!...Sorry Nicole. I'd rather prick myself with a dirty needle then have to watch an actress who looks like my testicles after spending three months in a hot shower. But maybe that is just me?).
In contrast other artists have survived only on their will to sell their sexuality. These, mostly woman but not limited too, usually can make a few films (for example) that gets them noticed which sets them up for a huge pay off as the appetite of consumer has been whetted. This pay-off can set them up for life. A good example of this is Carmen Electra. She started out by moving to California, by chance meeting Prince who convinced her to join an all girl rap group. This obviously did not end up working out, but this led to a few television show appearances, then an spot in Playboy which lead to her role on Baywatch. It was on Baywatch that Carmen really broke out, leading to the commercial success she is having now. But if you notice none of those successful roles or later roles were not dependant on her talent, rather they used her sexuality. Let's be honest nobody watched Baywatch for the great acting. We all watched it for the opening credits. And gawd that was a beautiful beach...wasn't it?I don't think I am expounding upon anything new, its pretty self-evident that certain artists are cast because of their physical features rather than talent. But this is where I come to my point of interest, Brigitte Nielsen, who broke it big back in 1985 by starring in Red Sonja and RockyIV. At the time she was marvelled as a physical specimen for her height and beauty. Not her talent! But that was back in 1985! Do you even know what was happening back in 1985?
Here is what was happening back in 1985:
- Bo Jackson won the Heisman Trophy with 1,509 points
- The Edmonton Oilers won the Stanley Cup with Wayne Gretzky
- Miami Vice was a huge hit on Television, along with Dallas and Dynasty
- "One More Night" by Phil Collins was popular along with Everyone Wants to Rule World" by Tears for Fears, and one by another artist who just won't go away: Crazy for You" by Madonna
Back then Brigitte was married to Sly Stallone. So fast forward 20 years, and I am sure you'll never guess but she is set to cameo in a re-making of Red Sonja which will come out in 2008.
Yes! In other words she is STILL kicking around after all these years. There is absolutely no quit in the girl! And no this is not a case of her surviving on talent, rather its primarily based on her stunning looks and physique. Or let me re-phrase that: WAS based on her stunning looks. (Why is she still around? I don't know to be honest. It's probably because there are men who remember her as she was. Although I will point out that some might try to dispute this by bringing up her talk show in the mid-90's. But I don't consider a talk show, even an acclaimed one the apex of talent. For god-sakes even Tyra Banks has a talk show, and that shit isn't on because of her brains - don't even kid yourself with that argument. I mean if Oprah is the gold standard, that standard is like being acclaimed as the 'brightest' eighth grader. Sure you get to say a speech at the end of the year, you might even get a plaque but nobody is confusing you with a future Phd graduate). But back to Brigitte: We are now past two decades of her. Two decades and no talent. I really don't have anything against her, maybe I should be celebrating this? But I think somebody should be giving this woman a hint, at some point it becomes embarrassing. Recently I was discussing Madonna with somebody. Madonna is 47. The quality of her recent music can be debated, although it still seems to be acclaimed by her fans, but her antics no longer flatter her mature age. While she is still fit, even she can't hold back mother nature's effect on her body. Even with lots of make-up her 47 years aren't disappearing. Think about it, its like keeping fruit around for two months. There isn't much shelf life for delicious fruit, and the same goes for hoes pimping their sexuality out in film. So WHAT are these women thinking?
I don't know.
But don't think you will escape Brigitte in 2007. She has already completed filming of the Surreal Life: Fame Games in which she is participant. I don't know about you, but I am not looking forward to finding out how she has aged. She might not even be hideous but I don't want to find out.
Even more than that though I think someone should deliver the message: Its Over! Not in a malicious way, but in a way that helps them preserve self-respect. Think about it. Would you want your mother doing this stuff?
Brigitte made a couple films that did well. She even married Sly aka Rocky. I would say that's pretty good, but really isn't it enough?
That is all I'm saying.
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